May 8th is quickly approaching and I really wish the world could just skip over that day... wish all the calendars in the world just somehow could delete the 8th day of May. Used to be a day that I thought I'd hold dear to my heart forever. It was a beautiful day...a day filled with new hope...love...excitement...commitment. The church was beautiful...calla lillies everywhere... family and friends so full of love and hope for us. Hell... I got Jon into a CHURCH! lmao and into a suit! Hahaha.. Honeymoon was so beautiful...and amazingly fun.
Now all that is left is memories of what could have been.
Can't I maybe just take a pill that will put me to sleep on May 7th and then not let me wake up till May 9th? Please????
I know my family and friends have grown tired of my blah blah blah about Jon and all this shit. Beleive me I'm tired as well of still loving this man and not being able to get over him. I can honestly say I still love him. As I've told my closests friends... when I love...TRULY love...I love forever. Whether that person dies...or fucks me over... or lives half way around the world in NY!!! I love them...forever....no matter what. I don't just stop loving someone. guess that's a good thing...but a bad thing at the same time. The girls' dad keeps asking me why I got over him so quickly but not Jon....and I honestly have no answer. I don't want to be cold and say 'well cuz he was, I feel, my soulmate and I love him MORE than you'...that would just be cruel. I do love Brandon...but in a family way... like the love you feel for your uncle/cousins/etc.....
Blah... I'm off today...and it's days like this that if I sit around doing nothing that I really drive myself crazy and have thoughts of driving to Harper or whatev. I am nothing but beyond pathetic and I admit this. But I've remained strong. I haven't gone knocking on his door. Yes I will admit I've sent him 2 letters... just basically asking WTF! and why! and shit like that.. but I don't see him tearing down my door or getting his ass into rehab for me and the girls...and I have maintained composure so far... like I said..I haven't gone hunting him down or driven to Harper in order to see him.
Today's another day though...and I gotta stay busy.
2 comments:
*hugs* Babydoll I know the feeling. I have my own date like that that I wish I could forget.
Well, you COULD drink all day....????
Wish it were easier. :(
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