So I've come to truly realize that time does NOT heal all pain... you just learn to cope better...that's all. You somehow figure out how to bury it deep down within. Kinda like when you have your brother or sister bury you in the sand... or well I dunno...but the pain remains... but you learn to somehow function...get thru each day without crying....without dwelling on it as much. This isn't a pity party and this isn't a moment of weakness where I'm gonna go begging and crawling back to Jon...but just me getting stuff out of my head. Yeah I still love him. I truly honestly believe I always will. The good in Jon... the guy I fell for... he's the one I miss...I still love....and I 100% believe he was my soulmate and I will love him till the day I die.... that love is just buried deep. I still miss him every day. It still kills me every second of every day knowing that he hates me...that he did this to me and the girls again...that he has NO remorse.. NO nothing. And yeah I guess also it's a bit of an ego killer that he can just let go and move on so quickly. I haven't heard a word from him in forever. All times before I'd still here from him from time to time....but not this time.
What's worse? I put myself back out there with that Jacob fuckhead...guess it was just a fucking sympathy date for the fat chick....cuz I never heard back from him and last night we went to Mamacitas to eat and lo and behold he ended up being our waiter...and the fucker acted as if he didn't know me from Rosie O'Donnell. Yeah so...ouch. Major dumbass me I tell ya. I've GOT to lose this weight... 50-60 lbs will get me down to 110-120... and then maybe I will get asked out....and not just a pity date. My friend, Tad, hurt my feelings so incredibly bad..but he has NO clue. He tried to fix me up with his 55 year old step dad... imagine Grizzly Adams meets Ralphie May... and Tad said 'here's my dad... he'll take you'. As if no one else in the whole fucking world would. I'm only 36...and I almost always have prefered guys my age or younger. I dunno.. it just hurt. Wow I'm actually crying. I stopped the lexapro...good but bad I guess. At least I am feeling things now.
1 comment:
Hunny I'm sorry you're feeling that way. You're a very beautiful woman and if a man can't see that then fuck them, their loss not your.
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